Weeeeeeeeeeoooooottttccccchhhh!!!

I think I saw the worst movie of the year last night.

Even worse then X3. It was called The Covenant.

I wanted to gouge my eyes out five minutes into this piece of shit.

Was at a game yesterday when my friend Kenny called me. He and his wife Bonnie (whom I met the Bilf™ through) and he wanted to go see the above said movie. Two other couples were going as well and we would all meet at Riverpark at around 9:00. I had no desire to see this movie, but I felt bad as we hadn't done anything in a while so I bit the bullet (which I should have saved later for the movie) and agreed.

For some reason the concession lines were really long so we got into the theater late and had to sit three rows back. Normally I like to sit back farther, but I didn't really care. The movie started with a bunch of text trying to make a feeble attempt of a backstory. Upon seeing this I slapped my forehead (one of many times) as it showed how lazy the director was and didn't want to film this. That or they ran out of money after spending what seems 80% on special effects. After the confusion of the backstory was done, a remix of White Zombie's "More Human then Human" greated the audience at near deafening levels. I had my doubts, but I knew this was going to be a shitty movie. Loud music is played to drown out the lack of plot, acting, or in this case everything. I started riffing this motherfucker quickly, and my friend Kenny said he was going to hit me if I didn't stop (he said this laughingly so I doubt he would, but never know). I reminded him that it was his idea to see this piece of shit and this is my payback.

I swear for the first hour or so there was no plot. Just these preppy teens that were witches and how they bitched and whined and shit. There were people who were bad guys for a bit then just dissapeared. Then one of the good guys turned out to be a bad guy and wanted the boy witches powers. It was so convulated that I won't even try to bore the two people who read this with the details. So finally the final battle occured. The loud heavy metal music made sure I was aware of this. So they start fighting by throwing invisible balls that everyone can see at each other. Then comes the part where I nearly walked out. The bad witch says to the good witch "You're my weotch. You know instead of beotch." The fact they had to explain the joke was attrocious, but even worse my girlfriend snapped. She started going off on the movie and shown a nasty streak I hadn't seen before. Of course I was turned on.

Finally the piece of shit was over and it recieved well deserved boos from the audience. Of course my friends never cease to amaze me. My friend Bonnie goes "Well that was better then I thought it was going to be." I replied with "You polish a turd and it's still a turd." And of course I heard that Uwe Boll is doing another piece of shit. I should take Kenny to that one.